It's been a long time since I wrote here. I'm not sure if anyone ever was reading this, and if so, I realize it's entirely possible that they've stopped.
But that's OK.
There is big stuff going on with me. But it's all very all-over-the-place. I'm grappling with religious "stuff", career "stuff", and health "stuff."
It started because of migraines. They've been plaguing me for more than 10 years now. I've tried so many things to alleviate them, and nothing has really worked.
So I changed tactics and ended up going to a homeopath for the first time a couple of months ago. She asked me a ton of questions about all sorts of things and determined that she thinks my underlying problem is PTSD. I know I have PTSD, but I didn't think it would be causing migraines and knee pain and even floaters in my eyes. But the fact that all these things have improved since starting to take the remedy she gave me, so I guess that somewhat points to their being byproducts of this dratted condition.
Anyway, so I'm going along with taking my remedy and trying to get my self together. And for the first time in a long time, in addition to feeling upset about my weight, I'm motivated to DO something.
I talked with a friend over the long weekend and decided to give up sugar. Starting Monday morning, I stopped eating sugar. Even bigger, really, I stopped drinking Coke. Granted, it's only been 3 days, but I feel so good that I hope I will stick with it.
Then I have company coming this weekend, and I was scouting out stuff for us to do. I stumbled upon a raw vegan restaurant in a neighboring town, and I've been reading every bit of their website. Somehow, it just feels "right." So I'm giving serious thought to making this change in my diet. I'm planning to obtain a book that will offer some guidance soon and start making plans to begin the transition after my vacation near the beginning of August.
I'm writing this because I'm always coming up with these plans and then I never do anything with then, but since they only existed in my mind (and like most people, I'm brilliant at rationalizing such things) there are no real "consequences" for my lack of follow through. So I'm putting this out there for whoever might still be reading so you'll know that I had a plan and whether I am moving forward or not.
Thanks for reading!
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Saturday, February 28, 2009
ch-ch-ch-changes
I have been neglecting the blog as of late. I've been (as per usual) busy with work. I've also been wandering around in a fog of general, low-grade unhappiness. It's a combination of my wonky brain chemistry and a lot of small things that on their own don't amount to much but when piled on top of each other made for a lethargic, apathetic me.
My general tendency when faced with situations like this is to want to change the scenery. Hence my bold declaration along with my NY resolutions - "I want to move to Champaign."
I started job hunting, but there's just not much out there right now. There's even LESS out there when you have only a narrow little strip of jobs you'd consider doing within your professional field (legal aid lawyer, public defender, bankruptcy attorney, consumer protection division of the AG's office - that pretty much completes the list).
I was in Champaign about a month ago, talking to one of the Kaisers (Leigh, I'm pretty sure - and Paul may have been hovering around the periphery of our conversation). I had just finished another unsuccessful round of the job listing sites that I frequent, and I remarked, "Well, unless a job is just going to fall out the sky into my lap, I think I'm going to have to stay put for now." That would have been on a weekend.
On Tuesday, just two or three days later, I had a message to call my executive director. There was an opening in our office in Carol Stream - would I consider applying?
Fast forward through a month frought with tension and semi-secretive meetings, and I have the job.
Carol Stream is farther from Champaign and St. Louis, which is a definite downside to this development. But all the other factors weighed heavily in favor of my taking this job. The Carol Stream office serves DuPage County, which is immediately to the west of Chicago. The DuPage County Bar Association has its own family law project for people who meet the same poverty guidelines that PSLS follows, so I won't have to do divorces. At all. There's a Trader Joe's 5 miles from the office. The associate director of our agency, who has taken an interest in watching out for my career, works in that office. There are a number of people who share my political outlook on the work that we do. I've been assured that no one will be listening to Rush Limbaugh during lunch.
So now I'll be weeding through my worldly possessions yet again, getting rid of things and packing others, and setting off to see if I can't create a new, happier life in another town.
My general tendency when faced with situations like this is to want to change the scenery. Hence my bold declaration along with my NY resolutions - "I want to move to Champaign."
I started job hunting, but there's just not much out there right now. There's even LESS out there when you have only a narrow little strip of jobs you'd consider doing within your professional field (legal aid lawyer, public defender, bankruptcy attorney, consumer protection division of the AG's office - that pretty much completes the list).
I was in Champaign about a month ago, talking to one of the Kaisers (Leigh, I'm pretty sure - and Paul may have been hovering around the periphery of our conversation). I had just finished another unsuccessful round of the job listing sites that I frequent, and I remarked, "Well, unless a job is just going to fall out the sky into my lap, I think I'm going to have to stay put for now." That would have been on a weekend.
On Tuesday, just two or three days later, I had a message to call my executive director. There was an opening in our office in Carol Stream - would I consider applying?
Fast forward through a month frought with tension and semi-secretive meetings, and I have the job.
Carol Stream is farther from Champaign and St. Louis, which is a definite downside to this development. But all the other factors weighed heavily in favor of my taking this job. The Carol Stream office serves DuPage County, which is immediately to the west of Chicago. The DuPage County Bar Association has its own family law project for people who meet the same poverty guidelines that PSLS follows, so I won't have to do divorces. At all. There's a Trader Joe's 5 miles from the office. The associate director of our agency, who has taken an interest in watching out for my career, works in that office. There are a number of people who share my political outlook on the work that we do. I've been assured that no one will be listening to Rush Limbaugh during lunch.
So now I'll be weeding through my worldly possessions yet again, getting rid of things and packing others, and setting off to see if I can't create a new, happier life in another town.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Book challenge 2009
To meet my 100 books in 209 challenge, I need to keep a pace of roughly 2 books per week.
So far, I'm kind of lagging. I just started book #4. But I'm confident that I'll catch up.
Here's what I've read so far:
Book 1: job hopper by ayun halliday - I loved this and it made me laugh a lot. (I'm not particularly good at book reviews. If you want more information about any of the books that make my list, please ask - I'll do my best to answer.)
Book 2: Springtime on Mars by Susan Woodring - this was so-so, I guess. It's a collection of stories, and there were some I really liked, but some not so much. They all seemed too similar somehow, even though only a few were about the same people.
Book 3:- The Elegance of the Hedgehog by Muriel Barbery - LOVED it. Please go read it now. It might take a little while to get into, but it's worth hanging in there. Truly.
Currently reading Book 4: dirty sugar cookies by ayun halliday. I'm only a few pages in, but I have no reason to think I won't like this as much as I like everything else she writes.
I'm definitely watching less TV as a result of this challenge, which is my "real" goal anyway, so it's a win no matter what. But I'll still be doing my darnedest to hit 100 books by the end of the year!
So far, I'm kind of lagging. I just started book #4. But I'm confident that I'll catch up.
Here's what I've read so far:
Book 1: job hopper by ayun halliday - I loved this and it made me laugh a lot. (I'm not particularly good at book reviews. If you want more information about any of the books that make my list, please ask - I'll do my best to answer.)
Book 2: Springtime on Mars by Susan Woodring - this was so-so, I guess. It's a collection of stories, and there were some I really liked, but some not so much. They all seemed too similar somehow, even though only a few were about the same people.
Book 3:
Currently reading Book 4: dirty sugar cookies by ayun halliday. I'm only a few pages in, but I have no reason to think I won't like this as much as I like everything else she writes.
I'm definitely watching less TV as a result of this challenge, which is my "real" goal anyway, so it's a win no matter what. But I'll still be doing my darnedest to hit 100 books by the end of the year!
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Simple Gifts
"'Tis the gift to be simple, 'tis the gift to be free,
'tis the gift to come down where you ought to be,
and when we come down in the place just right,
'twill be in the valley of love and delight."
My main New Year's Resolution for 2009 is to simplify my life. I'm sure I will continue to find additional areas of excess "stuff" that I want to weed out of my life. But the areas I choose to focus on first are as follows:
1. Less stuff. I followed a link (I think from Linda's blog) sometime in the not-too-distant past and read about Dave Bruno's 100 item challenge. I'm not sure I'm quite to that level yet. For one thing, I own well more than 100 books. Maybe I'll get really into this whole weeding-out process and become willing to part with some of my books. But I'm not ready to think about that yet. However, I do want to pare down the amount of "stuff" I have. It's partially because I will almost certainly be moving this year. But I also think that having less stuff - and hopefully more order as well as more time - will help bring my life more in line with my morals, ethics and values. And I'm always happier and find more peace of mind when I'm living in line with my own personal philosophies.
2. Less debt. I'm not getting into numbers here, but I owe a fairly substantial amount of money between student loans and consumer debt. There was an article in Oprah's magazine this month about simplifying, and the interview included a quote from a woman who practices "voluntary simplicity" where she talked about how we spend so many hours away from the people we love, often working at jobs we don't especially like, to get money to buy stuff we don't need and to heat the rooms in our houses which we don't get to spend much time in and which are bigger than necessary to hold all that stuff. (See the cyclical nature of this situation?)
3. Less processed food. My health is not what I would like it to be. My eating habits also aren't in line with my morals/ethics/values. I'm going back to being vegan, I'm going to try to quit eating sugar in any of its forms, and I'm going to focus on eating vegetables, fruits, whole grains, beans (a challenge since I don't like beans) and nuts. And I'll start drinking water, also a challenge because I don't like the taste of water. But I'm told that if I can develop this set of eating habits, my taste buds will eventually "reset" and I'll like things I didn't before. Let's hope!
4. Less TV. I'd like to quit watching TV all together, but I know that's unlikely to happen. I'm going to try this out for a few weeks and then set a realistic time limit once I get an idea of how this will play out. Once I move, I'll be getting rid of cable, and at that point I do plan to stop watching TV entirely, with a limit of how many movies I'll be watching in a given week.
5. Less work. Unless I have a big trial coming up, I will not be working more than my required 37.5 hours per week. The number of hours I've been working has certainly contributed to my feeling rundown and, to be quite frank, it's leading me down a rapid road to burnout. That is going to stop. Period.
Some other goals:
-read 100 books - with less TV watching and less work, this should be completely doable
-finally learn to play the guitar my sister gave me last Christmas
-start keeping in better touch with my friends who are back in St. Louis
-start collaging again, or maybe start a new zine
and finally, the biggie:
IN 2009, IT IS MY GOAL TO MOVE TO CHAMPAIGN
Yes, there, I said it. In a public forum.
There are many things that have gone into this decision. I am so isolated in Kankakee. In Champaign, I could be part of the village that it takes to raise a child (or 4) for my dear friends Leigh and Paul. I've also gotten the chance to become a little more acquainted with some of their friends, and I think I would connect with many of them, too. There are groups I could get involved in to help me stay connected with the passions and causes that drive me. There are indie coffee houses and an artsy movie theatre and ethnic restaurants.
Obviously, this means I will need a new job. My first choice would be to work at the Land of Lincoln office in Champaign, but they don't tend to have many openings. I think that being a public defender would be pretty sweet, too. But honestly, while continuing to practice law, particularly if I get to see plenty of trial time, is my first choice, I'm to the point where I'm willing to work in a different field. I've come to the realization in the past week (yes, just this week) that my job has become my life, my identity. That's screwed up and needs to change. Now.
So there you have it. A tall order, to be sure. But I'm up for it.
'tis the gift to come down where you ought to be,
and when we come down in the place just right,
'twill be in the valley of love and delight."
My main New Year's Resolution for 2009 is to simplify my life. I'm sure I will continue to find additional areas of excess "stuff" that I want to weed out of my life. But the areas I choose to focus on first are as follows:
1. Less stuff. I followed a link (I think from Linda's blog) sometime in the not-too-distant past and read about Dave Bruno's 100 item challenge. I'm not sure I'm quite to that level yet. For one thing, I own well more than 100 books. Maybe I'll get really into this whole weeding-out process and become willing to part with some of my books. But I'm not ready to think about that yet. However, I do want to pare down the amount of "stuff" I have. It's partially because I will almost certainly be moving this year. But I also think that having less stuff - and hopefully more order as well as more time - will help bring my life more in line with my morals, ethics and values. And I'm always happier and find more peace of mind when I'm living in line with my own personal philosophies.
2. Less debt. I'm not getting into numbers here, but I owe a fairly substantial amount of money between student loans and consumer debt. There was an article in Oprah's magazine this month about simplifying, and the interview included a quote from a woman who practices "voluntary simplicity" where she talked about how we spend so many hours away from the people we love, often working at jobs we don't especially like, to get money to buy stuff we don't need and to heat the rooms in our houses which we don't get to spend much time in and which are bigger than necessary to hold all that stuff. (See the cyclical nature of this situation?)
3. Less processed food. My health is not what I would like it to be. My eating habits also aren't in line with my morals/ethics/values. I'm going back to being vegan, I'm going to try to quit eating sugar in any of its forms, and I'm going to focus on eating vegetables, fruits, whole grains, beans (a challenge since I don't like beans) and nuts. And I'll start drinking water, also a challenge because I don't like the taste of water. But I'm told that if I can develop this set of eating habits, my taste buds will eventually "reset" and I'll like things I didn't before. Let's hope!
4. Less TV. I'd like to quit watching TV all together, but I know that's unlikely to happen. I'm going to try this out for a few weeks and then set a realistic time limit once I get an idea of how this will play out. Once I move, I'll be getting rid of cable, and at that point I do plan to stop watching TV entirely, with a limit of how many movies I'll be watching in a given week.
5. Less work. Unless I have a big trial coming up, I will not be working more than my required 37.5 hours per week. The number of hours I've been working has certainly contributed to my feeling rundown and, to be quite frank, it's leading me down a rapid road to burnout. That is going to stop. Period.
Some other goals:
-read 100 books - with less TV watching and less work, this should be completely doable
-finally learn to play the guitar my sister gave me last Christmas
-start keeping in better touch with my friends who are back in St. Louis
-start collaging again, or maybe start a new zine
and finally, the biggie:
IN 2009, IT IS MY GOAL TO MOVE TO CHAMPAIGN
Yes, there, I said it. In a public forum.
There are many things that have gone into this decision. I am so isolated in Kankakee. In Champaign, I could be part of the village that it takes to raise a child (or 4) for my dear friends Leigh and Paul. I've also gotten the chance to become a little more acquainted with some of their friends, and I think I would connect with many of them, too. There are groups I could get involved in to help me stay connected with the passions and causes that drive me. There are indie coffee houses and an artsy movie theatre and ethnic restaurants.
Obviously, this means I will need a new job. My first choice would be to work at the Land of Lincoln office in Champaign, but they don't tend to have many openings. I think that being a public defender would be pretty sweet, too. But honestly, while continuing to practice law, particularly if I get to see plenty of trial time, is my first choice, I'm to the point where I'm willing to work in a different field. I've come to the realization in the past week (yes, just this week) that my job has become my life, my identity. That's screwed up and needs to change. Now.
So there you have it. A tall order, to be sure. But I'm up for it.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Rare Plug
I am not usually one to promote businesses or products (my frequent raving about Rock Band aside). But I am going to make an exception, due in large part to the two pieces of mail I got from my cell phone company yesterday.
The pieces of mail were a check and a coupon.
First, the coupon - it was for a free pint of Ben and Jerry's, just to thank me for being a loyal customer. Who can argue with free ice cream, right? And particularly from Ben and Jerry's, which not only has a variety of great flavors but is also a company that strives to be socially responsible (which is why my cell phone company partners with them).
The check is the cooler part, though. Shortly after the election, I got an email notifying me of a program they had instituted wherein they would reimburse you for up to $100 for food, non-alcoholic drinks, and supplies for a party celebrating the end of the Bush administration. I thought there had to be a catch, but I registered a party anyway and started planning. We ended up having a Thanksgiving meal (theme: "giving thanks that Bush is on the way out") and played a lot of Rock Band and just generally had a good time. I turned in my reimbursement sheet with my receipts and waited, figuring it would be a long time before I heard anything and half expecting to not be reimbursed at all.
But sure enough, last night my check came - not even 2 weeks after I sent in my receipts.
My cell phone company is Credo Wireless. They use Sprint's towers, so you don't have to worry about limited usability because they're a smaller company. They have taken a stance that they will not voluntarily turn over phone records to the government, and will fight any requests for those records. They donate a percentage of their profits to progressive causes each year - customers get a certan number of "points" to distribute among the list of groups that are up for contributions that year. Typical recipients include the ACLU, Amnesty International, Planned Parenthood, Doctors Without Borders, and Greenpeace.
So in short, if you're a progressive minded person and looking for a new cell phone company (or just like the sound of this and want to switch, since they have a contract-buyout program), give Credo a look.
The pieces of mail were a check and a coupon.
First, the coupon - it was for a free pint of Ben and Jerry's, just to thank me for being a loyal customer. Who can argue with free ice cream, right? And particularly from Ben and Jerry's, which not only has a variety of great flavors but is also a company that strives to be socially responsible (which is why my cell phone company partners with them).
The check is the cooler part, though. Shortly after the election, I got an email notifying me of a program they had instituted wherein they would reimburse you for up to $100 for food, non-alcoholic drinks, and supplies for a party celebrating the end of the Bush administration. I thought there had to be a catch, but I registered a party anyway and started planning. We ended up having a Thanksgiving meal (theme: "giving thanks that Bush is on the way out") and played a lot of Rock Band and just generally had a good time. I turned in my reimbursement sheet with my receipts and waited, figuring it would be a long time before I heard anything and half expecting to not be reimbursed at all.
But sure enough, last night my check came - not even 2 weeks after I sent in my receipts.
My cell phone company is Credo Wireless. They use Sprint's towers, so you don't have to worry about limited usability because they're a smaller company. They have taken a stance that they will not voluntarily turn over phone records to the government, and will fight any requests for those records. They donate a percentage of their profits to progressive causes each year - customers get a certan number of "points" to distribute among the list of groups that are up for contributions that year. Typical recipients include the ACLU, Amnesty International, Planned Parenthood, Doctors Without Borders, and Greenpeace.
So in short, if you're a progressive minded person and looking for a new cell phone company (or just like the sound of this and want to switch, since they have a contract-buyout program), give Credo a look.
Sunday, December 7, 2008
unofficial change in title
At least where my "nieces" are concerned, I suspect that I can remove the modifier "marginally" from my title. I'm not sure they ever would have put it there in the first place, but after giving them their Christmas gift* I suspect that I am now a completely hip spinster aunt.
So what was this gift with the power to grant someone the title of fully hip?
Well, readers, it was a Wii.
I bought myself a Wii about a month ago, and I will admit that the main motivation for this purchase was so I could get Rock Band. But I started playing some of the other games, and it's really fun. Through a roundabout sequence of events, I ended up buying one for the Kaiser family, too. It was a gift for the whole family, and Leigh managed to pull off an excellent surprise by getting Mario Kart for Paul.
I was so excited about giving them the Wii that I probably didn't adequately express my excitement over my own gifts, but I really did love them - Sneetches and Other Stories by Dr. Seuss, What It Is by Lynda Barry - which already has me inspired to start making entries in my collage journal again, and One Beat by Sleater-Kinney which will provide an excellent soundtrack for some of the self-expression that the Barry book will likely provoke.
Despite a bit of rockiness, it was a great weekend. Time with the kids, some girl time with Leigh (Mixed Nuts. pizza, and Wii games!), and a rare chance to grab coffee and have some uninterrupted conversation with Paul.
Kaisers, if you're reading this, I love you guys. Thanks for allowing me to be part of your family.
* Christmas gifts were exchanged this past weekend because it was St. Nicholas Day which is observed in the Kaiser household following most members of their family converting to Catholicism. Even though I'm not Catholic, participating in the celebration was great fun.
So what was this gift with the power to grant someone the title of fully hip?
Well, readers, it was a Wii.
I bought myself a Wii about a month ago, and I will admit that the main motivation for this purchase was so I could get Rock Band. But I started playing some of the other games, and it's really fun. Through a roundabout sequence of events, I ended up buying one for the Kaiser family, too. It was a gift for the whole family, and Leigh managed to pull off an excellent surprise by getting Mario Kart for Paul.
I was so excited about giving them the Wii that I probably didn't adequately express my excitement over my own gifts, but I really did love them - Sneetches and Other Stories by Dr. Seuss, What It Is by Lynda Barry - which already has me inspired to start making entries in my collage journal again, and One Beat by Sleater-Kinney which will provide an excellent soundtrack for some of the self-expression that the Barry book will likely provoke.
Despite a bit of rockiness, it was a great weekend. Time with the kids, some girl time with Leigh (Mixed Nuts. pizza, and Wii games!), and a rare chance to grab coffee and have some uninterrupted conversation with Paul.
Kaisers, if you're reading this, I love you guys. Thanks for allowing me to be part of your family.
* Christmas gifts were exchanged this past weekend because it was St. Nicholas Day which is observed in the Kaiser household following most members of their family converting to Catholicism. Even though I'm not Catholic, participating in the celebration was great fun.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
I wanna be in the light
A lot of people are kind of surprised by this because it doesn't really "fit" with my personality, but I LOVE Christmas. I love pretty much everything about it - shopping for gifts (the only type of non-bookstore shopping that I enjoy), wrapping the gifts, watching people open gifts, baking cookies, Christmas music, hanging out with my family and other assorted "loved ones", the whole deal.
I think most people know that the majority of biblical scholars don't think Christmas coincides very closely at all with the actual birth of Jesus. The believed origin of this holiday is more along the lines of the early Christian leaders not knowing what to do to get people to give up their celebrations of Yule, or the winter solstice. So they came up with something else for people to celebrate right around the same time of the year. The parallels are kind of impressive, really. For people who celebrate the solstice/Yule, the observation is based on the re-birth of the sun after the longest night of the year. Christians celebrate the birth of the son of God. Sun/Son, you see.
But what interests me more was that both these holidays - and Hanukkah, too, for that matter - deal with light.
In Pagan customs, Lugh, the god of the sun, is killed at Mabon (the fall equinox) and the earth lies dormant until he is reborn after the longest night of the year, Yule (winter solstice). Typical Yule celebrations include staying up all night to welcome the sun when it rises, ushering in the period when the days start to get just a little bit longer, one day at a time. The term "yule log" comes from the tradition of sawing up the trunk of one year's Yule tree to use the following year as logs for the fire that is burned to stay warm while keeping vigil during the longest night. The light of the sun, the light of the fire - light.
Hanukkah is called the festival of lights. A central part of the celebration is the menorah, a special candleabra. Hanukkah lasts for 8 nights because when the temple was being rededicated, there was only enough oil on hand to burn the lights for one night, but somehow the lights burned for 8 - enough time to press more oil. The temple lights, the candlelight - light.
Christmas is also about light, even though it's a little more subtle. One of the propechies about Jesus said, "The people walking in darkness have seen a great light." (He would later be called the light of the world.) The wisemen began their journey and knew where to eventually find Jesus because of a huge, bright star. The light of the world, the light of the star - light.
As much as I tell myself that it's mostly the tradition and happy memories associated with Christmas - as well as that quest to find just the right gift for the people I love - I think there might be more to it than that. I think maybe it's a yearning to be "in the light."
My life has involved far more than my own fair share of darkness thus far. Given the line of work I've chosen, I'm surrounded by darkness on an almost-daily basis. Most of the time I embrace it, being a sort of dark person myself. But maybe this love of Christmas is some part of my psyche trying to say, "hey! stop being so doom and gloom all the time! happiness can be fun, too..."
As with many things I write here, this seems to be meandering all over the place and not really hitting the marks I had envisioned. But instead of leaving it as a draft that I'll likely never finish and eventually delete, I'm going ahead and posting it. And I'll invite anyone reading it to tell me about their own feelings about the winter holiday season.
I think most people know that the majority of biblical scholars don't think Christmas coincides very closely at all with the actual birth of Jesus. The believed origin of this holiday is more along the lines of the early Christian leaders not knowing what to do to get people to give up their celebrations of Yule, or the winter solstice. So they came up with something else for people to celebrate right around the same time of the year. The parallels are kind of impressive, really. For people who celebrate the solstice/Yule, the observation is based on the re-birth of the sun after the longest night of the year. Christians celebrate the birth of the son of God. Sun/Son, you see.
But what interests me more was that both these holidays - and Hanukkah, too, for that matter - deal with light.
In Pagan customs, Lugh, the god of the sun, is killed at Mabon (the fall equinox) and the earth lies dormant until he is reborn after the longest night of the year, Yule (winter solstice). Typical Yule celebrations include staying up all night to welcome the sun when it rises, ushering in the period when the days start to get just a little bit longer, one day at a time. The term "yule log" comes from the tradition of sawing up the trunk of one year's Yule tree to use the following year as logs for the fire that is burned to stay warm while keeping vigil during the longest night. The light of the sun, the light of the fire - light.
Hanukkah is called the festival of lights. A central part of the celebration is the menorah, a special candleabra. Hanukkah lasts for 8 nights because when the temple was being rededicated, there was only enough oil on hand to burn the lights for one night, but somehow the lights burned for 8 - enough time to press more oil. The temple lights, the candlelight - light.
Christmas is also about light, even though it's a little more subtle. One of the propechies about Jesus said, "The people walking in darkness have seen a great light." (He would later be called the light of the world.) The wisemen began their journey and knew where to eventually find Jesus because of a huge, bright star. The light of the world, the light of the star - light.
As much as I tell myself that it's mostly the tradition and happy memories associated with Christmas - as well as that quest to find just the right gift for the people I love - I think there might be more to it than that. I think maybe it's a yearning to be "in the light."
My life has involved far more than my own fair share of darkness thus far. Given the line of work I've chosen, I'm surrounded by darkness on an almost-daily basis. Most of the time I embrace it, being a sort of dark person myself. But maybe this love of Christmas is some part of my psyche trying to say, "hey! stop being so doom and gloom all the time! happiness can be fun, too..."
As with many things I write here, this seems to be meandering all over the place and not really hitting the marks I had envisioned. But instead of leaving it as a draft that I'll likely never finish and eventually delete, I'm going ahead and posting it. And I'll invite anyone reading it to tell me about their own feelings about the winter holiday season.
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